Discoveries
by blindspottedllama
Summary: [Jeller] Together, they discovered life after ZIP poisoning. A post-season 4 fic in multiple parts.
1. Prologue

When she got the okay to go home, there were seemingly dozens of instructions. She could do anything she felt up to. She shouldn't work until getting the all clear from her neurologist. She would experience headaches, distraction, confusion, and easily tire for an indeterminate amount of time. Medicine would become a regular routine in her life: a medication that they hoped would help reduce her migraines over time and a medication that would help reduce the pain from a migraine. If she experienced prolonged auras or hallucinations, she should call her neurologist. She would continue psychologist sessions that had begun while she was in the hospital. She shouldn't drive. They should use some form of birth control until she was well enough that they could adjust her medications. That since she was a rare case, she may experience other symptoms yet to be discovered. And if any symptoms were severe, she should immediately return to the emergency room.

Though all of the instructions had been directed at Jane, it had been Kurt that had studied the print out and listened to the doctor to commit them to memory. Kurt who had ensured her every need was taken care of when she got home. And Kurt, who had quietly monitored for those symptoms that the doctor had warned had yet to be discovered.

He stopped asking "how are you feeling today?" and traded it for "what do you want to do today?" She was having regular headaches and exhaustion - leftover side effects of treating the ZIP poisoning. They didn't know how long they would last, yet they did know they wanted to spend the time they had together. Jane was benched until her symptoms could improve, and Kurt took a leave of absence to care for her.

Together, they discovered life after ZIP poisoning.


	2. Dreams

He was the one who held her after her nightmares and coaxed her back to reality when she had flashbacks. He was the one who helped her fill in gaps of time when she forgot.

Kurt woke to shaking next to him. The room was still dark. "Jane," he reached for her arm, scooting closer.

Her skin was clammy and warm. "I don't feel so good." The bed was soaked underneath her. "I'm cold."

"How about the big fleece blanket?"

She swung her feet over the side of the bed. "And maybe reheat some of the soup."

"I'll get it and bring it right back."

"No, I'm going to get up. Maybe sit on the couch a bit."

He swung out of bed to guide her out to the living room. "I'll get you wrapped up in the blanket, then get your soup."

* * *

They sat across the couch, Jane wrapped in a large fleece blanket and leaned back into Kurt's arms. She sipped the leftover soup from a mug while he held her. "I'll always get you whatever you need - you don't need to tough it out."

"I'm sorry to wake you. I think it's a reaction to the medicine." She finished the soup, and he took the mug from her to set on the table. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "Can we stay out here a bit? I'm a little more comfortable."

He reached behind him to turn off the light and kissed the top of her head. "Anything you need."

* * *

The next time he woke, Jane was curled up on his chest. Her fingers ruffled his chest hair. "How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice strained with sleep.

"Okay. The fever broke. Just tired."

"I can make you breakfast."

She shook her head. "I'm gross - just want a shower."

"I'll make some coffee."

Kurt watched Jane walk to the bathroom, the blanket wrapped around her frame. She looked so small, much like he felt, powerless to make all of her symptoms disappear.

* * *

She exited the bedroom in his sweatshirt and her sweatpants. She crossed to the microwave, putting in her heat pack and setting it, then hugging Kurt from behind. He set his cup on the counter and turned in her arms. He cupped her cheek and gave her a brief kiss. "What do you want to do today?"

"I can't stay in here all day. Sit outside?"

Collecting her heat pack, four layers of blanket and coat, Jane and Kurt headed for the deck. She burrowed and curled into Kurt's arms on the deck in the sun, trying to escape the fall chill. "How's this?" he asked.

"Perfect."

He nuzzled her hair, every so often placing a kiss on the top of her head. "Do you want to play dreams?" she asked, referring to their game of brainstorming what they might want in their future.

"You," he replied, squeezing her in a hug.

"You," she hugged his arms back.

They continued in rapid fire back and forth. "Health."

"Bethany."

"A baby."

"Peace."

"Friends."

"Mobility."

"Mobility?"

"I want to feel up to leaving the house, lol."

"I thought maybe you'd want to travel. Or think about moving."

"You want to move?"

"No, not really. But if you wanted to, we could talk about it."

"Nah - not right now. I'm good right here."

She hugged his arms again, and they fell back into silence, simply enjoying each other's company.


	3. Adrenaline

"Stop talking to me like I'm five!" she yelled into the phone, frustrated by the litany of questions she was getting from the doctor's office.

Kurt walked from the kitchen into the living room at the spike in her voice. He tilted his head at her while she paced the floor, getting increasingly agitated. He couldn't hear the other side of the conversation, yet it couldn't have been going well, as she thrust the phone at him and pleaded, "you tell them I'm following the instructions."

As soon as he took the phone, she booked it to the door and left the apartment, a part of him experiencing a fair amount of alarm because she hadn't been out of the apartment on her own since she had come home and another part of him glad that her characteristic drive was coming back. "What did you say to my wife?" Kurt barked.

"Mr. Weller?" the nurse asked, using the same calm tone she had been trying to use with Jane.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"This is Nurse Mitchell from the neurologist's office. I was talking with your wife about her post-discharge progress."

 _Oh boy, no wonder she's testy._ He had experienced his fair share of retorts when asking her if she was okay before he started using different words and observing instead of asking. "What can I help you with?"

"I was going through a post discharge check-in list to see if she's been following through on some of the recommendations. I was asking her about whether she's been taking her medications as instructed given she had experienced some side effects."

"She is. That was one time and she's been fine since."

"I asked about whether she's continued seeing the psychologist."

"She has. Isn't that something you can just look up in medical records?"

"The records must not have been updated yet. Any other symptoms to report?"

"No."

"The last thing is to setup her follow up appointment in a few weeks."

She shared a few days and times, and he selected one, scheduling the appointment. "That is all, then," the nurse confirmed.

"Nurse Mitchell, I'm watching out for her; making sure that she's okay. I have every aspect of the discharge list accounted for. If there's something wrong, I'll be the first to call the right doctor. You please don't need to check in."

"It's a customary post-discharge call. The office won't be calling again. We'll check in at her follow up appointment."

"Thank you. Goodbye."

Kurt ended the call and sighed, rubbing his hand across his face. He pulled on his jacket and grabbed her jacket. He needed to go find his wife.

* * *

He didn't find her within a block of the apartment, and his next gut reaction was to look in the park. He didn't see her on a park bench or wandering the park. He walked the interior pathway, then found her sitting in the grass. "Jane," he called, sitting beside her and looking her over to see if she was okay.

She was shivering, and he wrapped her jacket around her. "I got dizzy, then sick, then tired," she recounted, "so I landed here."

"All that adrenaline ran out, huh?"

She tipped her head toward the ground. "Yeah."

"Think you can make it to a park bench as a start?"

"Yeah."

He helped her up and wrapped an arm around her. She leaned heavily into him, allowing him to guide her to a park bench at the edge of the park.

Moving even short distances was exhausting. She dropped to the park bench with him, panting, trying to catch her breath. "Everything's taken care of. You have a follow up appointment in a few weeks," he explained, "though I did say I had you following all of the discharge instructions, and I don't think booking down to the park by yourself before you're ready was on there."

She rolled her eyes. "Har har."

They sat in silence for a few minutes while her breathing returned to normal. "My escapist," he teased, and she shook her head. "Maybe on the days you're feeling up to it, we can start walking together to build up your strength?" he suggested.

"I'd like that. I'm getting a bit stir crazy in the apartment," she sighed and admitted, "and I'm gonna need a bit to be ready to walk back."

"Or we can improvise, and you can have a pretty awesome piggy back ride," he joked.

"Is this going to fulfill some odd fantasy of yours?" she joked back.

"Nah, though I could use the exercise, and it might be a fun adventure. C'mon, get on," he coaxed, kneeling on the ground in front of her.

She got on his back, and he hooked his arms under her legs. "Giddy up," she joked.

He headed back through the park, carrying her home.


	4. Dinner

In the first week, after an afternoon spent recuperating from a migraine, Jane's answer to "what would you like to do this evening?" was "make a nice dinner for my husband."

"I'm supposed to be taking care of you," he joked.

"We take care of each other."

She poked her head into the fridge and then the pantry. "How about dal with rice?" she asked.

"Sounds great. Give me a job and I'll help."

"Your job is to get a beer from the fridge," she instructed, smiling at him.

He obliged, retrieving a beer along with the tomato and onion she would need from the fridge. He opened the beer and placed the vegetables on the counter next to the cutting board. He sat at the breakfast bar, sipping his beer, watching Jane as she started the lentils and rice and prepped the rest of the ingredients for their dinner.

* * *

When dinner was ready, they sat across from each other at the table, diving into the lentils. "What brought this on?" he asked.

"I love you."

He squeezed her hand across the table. "I love you."

"You've been taking care of everything I could possibly need, even when I'm cranky sometimes. I wanted to share that same love with you."

"Thank you. It's delicious."

"Just wait until you get to dessert," she suggestively tilted her head toward the bedroom.

"Oh really?" he caressed the back of her hand, "are you trying to seduce me?"

She returned a coy smile. "I think I'm ready for dessert," he responded.

She dropped his hand to round the table, and he stood, their arms seeking each other and drawing their faces in for a kiss.

* * *

They had bounced from standing, to the wall, to the couch, to the bed, their strewn clothes marking the trail. She lay partially on top of him, tangling his mouth in wet kisses while she stroked his cock. His hands kneaded her breasts and teased her nipples, wandering further as her gasps increased in frequency. He reached her folds and probed a little, the feeling unexpected. "Jane, you're dry."

She replaced his fingers with hers. "How?"

"This can happen…"

Her surprise registered as shame. "But it's never happened to me."

He rifled thought the side table. "Just a second, I'll get some lube." He found the coconut oil they used for massages, and then realized, "Shit."

They had matching poses: back of one of their hands over their eyes in frustration. "We don't have any lube we can use with condoms," he explained, "we haven't needed it."

She sighed in frustration. "I just want to make love to my husband."

He kissed a trail down her stomach. "I can still…"

She stopped him and pulled him back next to her. "Just a second."

A woman on a mission, she hopped out of bed and hustled for the bathroom, rummaging through the cabinet. "Found it!" she exclaimed, returning to his side.

"Aloe?" he questioned, taking the bottle from her and squeezing a bit onto his fingers.

"Remembered it from a girl's day conversation."

He turned her onto her back and resumed kissing her, then touching her, sharing the moisture with her folds. "Mmm," she moaned, finding pleasure in his touch as he swept and circled her, then entered with one, then two fingers.

He returned his head to her speckled breast again, tasting and nipping her nipple, teasing her while he kept thrusting into her with his fingers. "I want you," she spoke, his cock jumping as she closed her fingers around it again.

He retrieved a condom from the side table, and she took it from him, unrolling it down his length. He raised himself over her and met her eyes, their love reflecting in each other as he slowly entered her. "I love you," her voice caught in her throat.

"I love you, so much," he returned, and she reached her hands to his face and brought him in for a deep kiss.

What started as slow exploration, drawing out their lovemaking as much as possible, turned into frenetic escalation. He was lost in the most intimate feel of his wife for the first time in a long time. And she was lost in him, egging him on with her nails dug into his back, his ass. Tilting her hips in just the right subtle way to drive him mad.

He reached between them, his thumb circling her clit as he thrust into her. "Come for me, honey," he requested huskily into her ear.

He nipped her breast again and sped his thumb, and she broke, panting a moan of "ahhhhhhh" as he continued to thrust into her. He removed his hand, leaning on both of his arms and pounding into her, her walls pulsing around him. He came with a shudder and moan, his thrusts losing their rhythm and then slowing. He rested his head next to hers, and she welcomed his body collapsing atop hers, wrapping her arms around him to hold him to her when he tried to shift his weight back to his arms. He nuzzled her head, basking in the moment.

She whimpered at the loss of contact when he pulled away and dealt with the condom. "I'll be right back," he promised, kissing her lips and heading to the bathroom.

He returned to Jane curled up, sleeping in the middle of the bed. He climbed in next to her, holding her close and drifting off to sleep.


	5. Color

Their day had consisted of an adventure to her favorite art supply shop, where she had tested many different pencils before deciding on a set of watercolor pencils. They had gone and returned by way of the coffee shop so she could have a moment to rest. Back at home, they lounged in their respective corners of the couch, touching, yet engaged in separate activities.

"These are beautiful," she commented, looking up from the scratch paper where she had quickly sketched a bird and applied water, feathering its edges.

His heart warmed at the wonder in her eyes. "You're beautiful," he returned, smiling at her.

She returned his smile. "I can do so many different things with these."

"I like all of the different colors - that's new for you."

"Time to add some color to my life."

He squeezed her foot in his lap, returning his eyes to his book.

* * *

Her migraines seemed to be indiscriminate at times, rearing their ugly head even when she had the most relaxing of days. She set her drawing pad aside and closed her eyes, trying to will the pain from advancing to a full-fledged migraine. She was unsuccessful, explaining, "I need to go lay down," before retreating to the bedroom to take her medicine and rest.

Times like these, he would check in on her every once in a while, making sure she was resting comfortably. Making sure she was still breathing. Making sure she hadn't disappeared. His worry was his side effect from the whole ordeal. It seemed inconsequential in comparison.

She'd always wake up drowsy and sometimes disoriented. Kurt was sitting next to her reading his book when she woke, and one of his hands dropped to massage her scalp. "Roman used to like the colors," she explained, like the statement had come to her in her dreams.

"Hmmm," he indicated he was listening.

"When did he die?" she asked.

He set his book aside and turned his full attention to his wife. "In Africa, right before you got really sick. You were with him."

"I was holding him," she recalled.

"You never really talked too much about it."

"It feels like he's still here all the time," she shook her head, "though I guess the hallucinations may have had something to do with that."

"I don't know that loved ones ever really leave you."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, reflecting on how far they had come and how lucky they were to be laying with each other in the moment.

Her thoughts wandered. "What are we going to do for Thanksgiving?" she asked, thinking a few weeks ahead.

He used his standard answer. "Whatever you feel up to."

"I'm sure Sarah and Sawyer would love to see you."

"It would be pushing it to travel right now."

"She would hop on a plane in a heartbeat. And c'mon, Chef Kurt Weller would bask in making a turkey."

He played along. "What am I going to make you?"

"Vegan lasagna?" she requested her favorite special occasion dish.

"I'll talk to Sarah," he responded and removed his hand from her hair to reach out for a hug. "Come here."

She sat up with him, accepting his hug. "What can I feed you now?" he asked, returning to caretaker mode.


	6. Nightmares

It was terrifying the first night it happened.

"Kurt! Kurt! No, no, I didn't mean to. Kurt!" she screamed, tossing from side to side in her tormented sleep.

He shot up in bed at her first yell of "Kurt!", his heart racing in his chest. "Jane, I'm right here. Jane, wake up. Wake up. Jane. Jane," he repeated, knowing from years of nightmares and night terrors not to touch her, yet feeling helpless to spare her pain.

"Kurt!" she yelled again.

And then she jerked over the side of the bed and landed on the floor with a hard thud, finally waking. "Kurt?"

He was racing around the bed when she first voiced his name, and her shuddering breath that followed pained his heart. She pulled herself up to a sitting position against the bed and wrapped her arms around her legs. "Kurt?" she asked again, tears streaming down her face and her body shaking with sobs.

"I'm here," he affirmed, sitting beside her and pulling her balled form into his chest.

He rocked her while she sobbed, repeating reassurances of "I'm here" and "you're okay," though she wasn't calming. He rubbed her back to soothe her, yet her breaths continued to come in shorter and shorter bursts. He tipped her head to see her eyes, and they were wild and scared. He took her hand and placed it on his chest, and did the same placing his hand on her chest. "Jane, I need you to breathe slowly with me. Nice and slow. You're having a panic attack."

Kurt exaggerated his breathing, taking long deep breaths in and slowly releasing them with an audible whoosh. Her chest shuttered as she breathed in, struggling to match him. After a few more attempts, he watched the wild fear drain from her eyes, and her sobs reduce to stray tears. She slowly retracted from her ball, hugging Kurt's middle in place of her knees, and Kurt wrapped his arms around her. He kept rocking her until she feel asleep, then he followed her in sleep.

* * *

Jane stirred, waking Kurt. "Ughhhh," he grunted, reaching overhead and trying to stretch his back.

Jane kissed his chest and extracted herself from his lap, heading for the bathroom.

She returned to Kurt laying flat on his back on the floor. She stood over him and looked at him quizzically. "Getting too old for random sleeping spots?" Jane joked.

Kurt gave her a light smile. She extended her hand to help him up from the floor, which was accompanied by more grunting. "C'mon, let's get you a shower to soothe those knots out," she instructed, pulling him toward the bathroom.

* * *

They stood under the spray, it first pattering against his back with her in his arms, then it falling against his chest while she kneaded his back. He grunted softly when she pressed into particularly sensitive spots of his back, meticulously soothing them. The spots that she could find soothed, working his back turned into massaging his ass and trailing kisses up his back. He turned, and she captured his lips with hers, making out against the shower wall.

Her hands wandered: caressing his cheek, lost in the fuzz of his chest, grabbing his ass, and then encircling his cock. "Mmmm," he moaned into her mouth, his hand sliding to cup her breast.

She broke their kiss, kissing down his chest and dropping to her knees, kissing his tip and then taking his cock into her mouth. Her hand worked in time with her mouth, and his hand weaved into her slick hair, encouraging her with his moans.

She increased her suction and pressure, and his back arched against the wall, her hand catching him from pressing deeper into her mouth. "Jane," he spoke.

Her eyes popped up to his, her tongue teasing the underside of his cock again. "Bed?" he asked.

She released him with a kiss, shut off the water, grabbed a towel, and led him to the bedroom.

* * *

They woke later in the afternoon, languid spooning in each other's arms. He kissed her shoulder. "So what do you want to do today?"

"Love my husband."

He chuckled, pressing another kiss to her shoulder. "Thank you for last night. I'm sorry we ended up tweaking your back," she apologized.

"No sorries."

It was easier for her to talk when she could look at the wall instead of his reaction. "I dreamt you were dead. That I had killed you. Accidentally," she explained, "I don't want to talk about it, but I at least owe you an explanation."

She usually did not speak of her nightmares, just wanting to let them go, so it meant a lot that she had mentioned any of their contents. He hugged her in support. "It was scary how…freaked you were," he admitted and emphasized, "I was scared. You don't owe me anything. I am here for you if you ever do want to talk."

She nodded, then changed the subject back to where they had started. "What should we do today?"

"Put up a bed rail so you don't bean your head on the side table?" he joked.

She turned and gave him a light punch in the bicep. "Maybe I can make you late afternoon lunch in bed for a change," she smirked, poking fun at the odd schedules that had become part of their flexible daily routine.


	7. Sessions

He savored the in between, the time he could spend alone with his wife, bringing their days any sense of normalcy. He liked to make her favorite vegan meals, although he didn't know if it brought her or him more comfort. At least if he made her food, he could ensure she was eating something. They were both tired, so he was making a miso-based white bean soup as light sustenance before bed.

Jane sat in the corner of the couch, her knees pulled to her chest. Kurt finished preparing their soup, then brought a mug of it to her, sitting beside her. "Can we talk?" he asked, sitting his free arm on her knee.

She nodded, focusing on sipping her soup. "How was your session today?" he asked.

"Nothing's getting any worse. She says the nightmares are expected."

"Any new developments?"

"Some days, I'm really struggling. A lot of flashbacks that feel so real. Past lives."

"Some of the things you've said during your nightmares make it seem like you're Remi in them."

She nodded. "Sometimes I see Roman."

He treaded carefully. "Does any of that happen outside of your nightmares?"

"No."

"Good."

She stared into her mug. "She wants me to focus on using coping mechanisms more. Drawing, exercise…talking."

She took another sip of her soup. "Something on your mind?"

"Patterson and I are going to have a girl's night Thursday. Maybe you could have Reade over and hang out."

"Sounds like fun."

She rested her hand over his on her knee. "I appreciate that so much of your focus has been on taking care of me. You need some space to take care of you, too."

"Okay," he nodded, turning his attention to his soup as well.

* * *

She hated going anywhere when she was overtired. It was a recipe for getting a headache away from home and not having an effective means to cope. Yet she had left the apartment with Patterson, looking forward to their planned girl's night.

The massage she received during her pedicure was soothing, and she had to admit she felt better after seeing her meticulously painted burgundy toenails. Patterson had picked that color for her, and she had picked emerald for Patterson in return. They sat at the driers, talking while they waited to be able to head to their next stop of the night.

"Where do you want to go for dinner?" Patterson asked.

"I know you wanted the tapas place, but would you mind if we did something quieter?"

"Not at all."

"The counter Mexican place you love with the canned wine?"

She chuckled. "Sure."

"I'm still having problems with the migraines," Jane shared, "and I'm trying to be able to stay out as long as possible."

Patterson nodded. "Say the word, and I'll take you home. Until then, girl's night!" she raised her hands in the air with enthusiasm and Jane chuckled.

* * *

"How's Jane doing?" Reade asked, sipping his beer at the breakfast bar.

"Good. How are you doing?"

"In that weird in between place of not having the team all together," he replied, tipping the bottom of his beer bottle toward him, "how are you?"

"So grateful to have my wife. Wishing I could do anything to make this recovery easier for her."

"Whenever you need a break, you know any of us will come by."

"Thank you."

* * *

Jane ordered buffalo tempeh tacos, and Patterson ordered spicy chicken tacos and a wine.

"Any new online dating escapades?" Jane asked.

"A guy that I couldn't bring myself to go meet in person because he was behaving too weird, and a guy who was obsessed with his bicycle," Patterson laughed, "I did meet a hottie at board game night last week, though."

She pulled out her phone, sharing his photo with Jane. "Ooo, nice beard. He is cute."

Patterson finished her tacos and wine and stood. "I'm going to get another wine. Can I get you anything?"

"More water, please."

* * *

"We got a bit drunker than I planned on," Kurt admitted, laughing.

"Well, you brought up Tasha, and that topic takes a lot of alcohol," Reade defended.

"Coming from the guy who brought up whether my wife has returned to exhibiting any terrorist tendencies," Kurt retorted.

"Cheers," Reade popped the caps from their next beers, and they clinked bottles and took a sip.

* * *

Jane rubbed her neck, struggling to focus on the words coming out of Patterson's mouth. She was about to ask "what?" the second time, yet instead voiced, "Can you take me back home?"

Patterson hustled to put her jacket on. "Of course. I was just asking if you wanted anything else."

Jane put her jacket on and shielded her eyes from the streetlights as they left the restaurant, Patterson steering her via her elbow.

* * *

Jane entered the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom while Patterson greeted the men. "Good we planned on me taking you home," she joked with Reade.

"She okay?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, just the start of a headache. We had a great time," she gestured at the bottles lining the counter, "and it looks like you guys did too."

"We'll have to do this again soon," Kurt commented as Patterson steered Reade toward the door.

"For sure," they both voiced.


	8. Tattoo

Jane sprawled on the couch, burrowed under the blanket, sketchbook in hand. She had awoken from a nightmare again, what hadn't ceased being a daily occurrence since she had been able to return home. Since she had been freed of the ZIP poisoning, really.

What was different was she had successfully avoided waking Kurt. She hadn't yelled, fallen on the floor, or moved around enough to disturb him. And despite his request she wake him and not suffer alone, she chose to escape and let him sleep.

He found her there in the dim light of the next morning, sketchbook laying across her chest and her pencil on the floor. Not wanting to wake her, he retrieved his book and sat in the chair opposite her.

His head raised from his book when she sat up, and her sketchbook joined the pencil on the floor. "Good morning," Kurt smiled from the chair.

She stretched for the ceiling and smiled back at him. "Hi."

He set his book on the floor and joined her on the couch. _You should have woken me,_ his eyes spoke, yet he only voiced, "What were you drawing?"

She reached to retrieve her sketchbook, shifted, and curled into his side. He wrapped his arm around her while she flipped to the last page she was working on. "It's a new tattoo I'm going to get," she explained.

His eyebrow rose, showing his pique in curiosity. "Where?"

She brushed the edge of the honeycomb. "On my hand."

He traced her hand as well, then kissed the top of her head. "Could you design me one?"

She turned her head to him in surprise. "A tattoo?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

He dipped his head in a nod.

"For where?"

"Surprise me."

"Okay. I'll experiment next time I'm drawing."

"I missed you next to me this morning," he admitted, trailing kisses up her neck to her ear.

"I thought I'd try some of my old coping mechanisms again. And you need your beauty sleep," she teased.

"Oh, really?" he tickled her sides, burying playful kisses into her hair.

Giggling subsiding, she drew away from him. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

"I'll start breakfast."

* * *

"Mom, look at Uncle Kurt's new tattoo!" Sawyer exclaimed, pointing to the outside of Kurt's upper arm, "it's a boat with these curvy oars."

"It's a gondola," Jane explained to him, "and the other design is a symbol of strength. It matches my hand."

Jane held her hand out for Sawyer, showing him the two colorful, flowing entwined lines next to the honeycomb. Sawyer examined Jane's hand and Kurt's arm intently, comparing them. "There are tiny letters in there," he observed.

"It says be strong, live the life you imagine," Kurt shared.

"Mom, that's really cool! I want to get a tattoo someday."

And then Sawyer was back to his Switch. "They came out nice," Sarah said, looking at them both.

"Thanks," they both said.

"We are T-minus an hour on turkey," Kurt indicated.

"More time to beat you at Uno," Sarah joked.


	9. Normal

She woke to cramping in her stomach, and when she stood, moisture flooded between her legs. "Shit," she swore, grabbing a spare pair of underwear and sweatpants from her drawer and heading for the bathroom.

Kurt's ask of, "Jane, what is it?" was met with the bathroom door closing.

He got up to make coffee, then went back to check on her. He heard the bathroom cabinet slam with a sharp curse of "dammit!"

"Jane?"

He heard her sniffle and take a deep breath. She responded like he had been bugging her to get into the bathroom, "I'll just be a minute."

A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened, and she crossed back to her dresser to pull on a sweatshirt. "I'm going down to the pharmacy," she explained, "I'll be back in a few."

"I can go," he offered.

"No, I'll be right back."

She passed him, pulled on her shoes, grabbed her keys and wallet, and was out the door.

* * *

A mantra of store, shower, rest was buzzing in her head, keeping her focused and preventing her from breaking down. Her period had chosen that morning to return after a hiatus due to the ZIP poisoning taxing her system. With it came the memories of believing she may be pregnant and the messy reality that she was not, and tears stung her eyes. Cleaning up, she searched the cabinet for a tampon and slammed it in frustration when she came up empty. At his inquiry of "Jane?", her thoughts jumped to, _I am not explaining this to my saint of a husband,_ and she hustled to prep to run to the pharmacy down the block.

Purchase in hand, she reentered the apartment with the same hustle she had left. _Shower, rest._ She saw Kurt sitting at the breakfast bar out of the corner of her eye, and without looking at him, said, "I'm gonna shower," as she walked straight for the bathroom.

Turning away so the warm water focused on soothing her lower back, Jane cried.

* * *

She emerged from the shower in her robe and returned to the bedroom to pull on heavy fleece pants and one of Kurt's sweatshirts. She walked out to the living room and found Kurt standing at the end of the bar, waiting for her. "I have coffee for you," he pointed at her cup on the bar, "can I get you anything else?"

Jane wrapped her arms around his middle and rested her head on his shoulder. He hugged her and brought his hands down to massage her lower back. "I need the heat pack," she requested.

He kissed the side of her head and gave her another squeeze. "You go get comfy, and I'll get it."

She left his arms, picked up her coffee, and walked to the couch, curling into her corner and pulling a blanket over her. When the microwave beeped in completion, Kurt brought her the heat pack and sat beside her, pulling her feet into his lap. She placed the heat pack between her blanket and sweatshirt and hugged it to her stomach, closing her eyes. "Not how I planned on starting the morning."

"Want to talk about it?"

"I remembered what it was like when I thought I was pregnant," she played with the edge of the blanket, "I would still like that someday."

"I would too."

She sighed. "Until then, need to keep the tampons stocked again."

"So today marks a bit of a return to normal, then."

She contemplated his words and shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, I suppose so."


	10. Run

The first time she said "I'm going to go for a run," his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. He reacted emotionally and rapidly with a curt, "No."

She glared at him in return. "What do you mean, no?"

"The last time you told me that, you were running off to Sandstorm."

"You can come with me."

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"No, but I want to try."

"Give me a few minutes to get changed, and I'll come with you."

* * *

He came back in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and she showed him her phone. "See, when we use Strava, it live updates with a location. So you can see where I'm running even if you're not with me."

"If something happens and you need help, I'll be able to find you?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"I'm going to use it while we're running so you can see how it works."

"Okay."

"Let's go."

They ran for a grand total of seven minutes before returning to the apartment. She showed Kurt where they ran on his phone. "See? We ran, and I'm fine. I'll have to work up to more distance, but it was a good first try."

Kurt nodded, and they headed for the shower.

* * *

A few weeks passed without incident. Sometimes Kurt ran with her, sometimes Patterson, and sometimes Jane ran by herself. She was slowly working up to longer distances, now able to run 45 minutes without stopping. "I'm going to be in better shape than you," Jane regularly joked with Kurt, egging him on.

She was looking forward to being able to spar again. It would be another welcome stress relief. "I'll take you," Kurt had promised.

* * *

She had a regular checkup with the neurologist and was thrilled to share her progress. "The headaches have really improved a lot," she explained, "closer to few and far between."

"That's great," the doctor responded.

"You had mentioned you'd be willing to change the medication at that point," Jane paused, collecting her words, "to something that would be safe during pregnancy. This is something that is really important to me and my husband."

Kurt smiled from his usual spot in the corner. They hadn't talked about this before coming to the office, yet he was thrilled she was taking the initiative to bring it up. "Yes, we can do that," the doctor explained, "yet I'm going to need you to closely monitor your headache patterns and give us a call if they start coming significantly more frequently again."

"I brought the expert monitor with me in the corner over there," she joked, pointing at Kurt.

* * *

A few days later, she announced, "I'm going to start out in the gym today. Want to spar a little bit?"

"Dinner says I'll win," he joked.

"Winner makes dinner and dessert."

"No, no. Winner buys dinner and dessert."

"Deal," she smiled, sealing their deal with a kiss.

* * *

"No fighting dirty," he reminded.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Best of three takedowns."

Jane nodded, tapped gloves, and threw a jab, testing the waters. They sparred back and forth, punching and parrying, then Jane swept his foot and moved him into an arm bar. He tapped the mat, signifying the end of round one.

They both bounced back to their feet, tapped gloves again, and this time he went on the offensive. She retaliated with a round kick, which he caught and took her to the ground. He mounted her and worked toward getting her into a submission. "You choose jiu jitsu? That's gonna be an awful lot of shrimping when I flip you."

She shrimped, bumped, and flipped him. He took advantage of the momentum and flipped her right back, then brought her to submission, tapping out round two. "You underestimate me," he joked.

They popped back to their feet, tapped gloves, and started round three. She aimed to beat him on energy, and launched a flurry of punches, then weaved, taking him in circles around the room. He saw an opening and launched a cross, followed by a hook. She tried to bob and weave, and bobbed her head straight into the path of his left hook. She dropped and he brought her into a headlock, holding until she tapped out round three. As soon as she tapped, he let her go, and they both returned to their feet. "Dinner's on me," she conceded.

"And dessert," he smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Winner's choice on dinner."

"How about Thai? We can get our spot in the back, have a nice quiet dinner…" he stopped his train of thought and kissed her, leaving a promise for more later that day.

"Sounds great."

* * *

Kurt and Jane sat side by side on a padded bench in the back of the restaurant. They each ate their own renditions of curry. Jane yawned and leaned into Kurt's side. "I could have used a nap today," she joked.

"Give me a few minutes to finish up, and I'll get you home."

"Your dessert."

"No worries, that's at home."

* * *

Kurt parked and looked over at his sleeping wife. She seemed so peaceful, and he hated to wake her to bring her into the apartment. "Jane, we're home," he spoke, resting his hand on her knee.

"Mmmm, okay," she responded, exiting the car and taking his arm to walk to the apartment.

"I might need to give you an IOU," she said, "I'm really tired."

"It's okay, Jane - let's get you to bed."

* * *

Kurt woke to Jane sprawled next to him, still sleeping. Her t-shirt had hitched up while she slept, her bare stomach peacefully rising and falling with each breath. He lightly trailed her serpent tattoo with his fingertips, then featherlight kisses, to where her t-shirt rested below her breasts. He savored her soft, delicate skin. "Mmmmm," she stirred a little bit when his stubble brushed her skin.

He raised her shirt, continuing his kisses through the rest of the serpent and across the dots on her breast. She brushed his head with her fingers, rubbing his hair.

"Good morning," he whispered, taking her nipple into his mouth.

"Mmmmm," she moaned, enjoying his ministrations as his hand captured her other breast.

After a few minutes of pleasure, she reached under his armpits and pulled, coaxing him up to eye level so she could kiss him. Between kisses, her hands wandered his back and ass, and then sought his cock.

"Mmmmm," it was his turn to moan in return as her fingers circled him.

"I want to fuck," she smiled, tugging at his boxers.

He pulled her t-shirt over her head and shifted to remove his boxers. She took the opportunity to flip them and start kissing a line down his chest. Wanting to fulfill her request, he flipped her back over, removed her panties, and moved his fingers to her mound, testing, teasing.

"I want to fuck," she repeated, grasping his cock.

He didn't need to be told again. In a swift move, he buried himself into her, their moans muffled in kisses. They frantically sought purchase, racing each other until he grunted in release and brought her to climax shortly after.

They rested, panting in each other's arms for a few minutes. "Good morning," she said with a smile, kissing him once more before they both made their way to the shower.


	11. Holiday

"Allie says she and Connor can bring Bethany for the weekend after Christmas," Kurt shared, dividing his attention between speaking with Jane and washing their breakfast dishes.

"They're all coming?" she asked, surprised.

"She wants to see with her own eyes that you're okay. And then she and Connor will spend the weekend in the city while we have Bethany."

Jane frowned. "That sounds so…ominous."

Kurt defended Allie. "Reverse your roles - if she had gone through the same experience as you, would you hand our child over to her without double checking?"

"Our child, huh?" she smiled, winking at him.

He considered his phrasing. "Just feels…right."

He topped off her coffee cup and sat next to her at the breakfast bar. "So since they're not coming until after, what do you want to do on Christmas?"

She fiddled with her coffee cup, anxiously thinking the answer to her request may be no. "I know this sounds weird and very non-traditional, but since it's just us, can we go upstate and go hiking? There's no snow on the ground yet, though that won't be the case for too much longer," she rambled.

He smiled, finding her uncertainty entertaining. "Whereabouts you thinking?"

"Kaaterskill Falls?"

"Day trip?"

"Maybe we could stay upstate one night? Doesn't have to be there, though. It might be nice to go down to the walkway afterward for the beautiful view."

The traditionalist in him wanted to wake up at home for Christmas. "Go up Christmas, come back the following day?"

She smiled and squeezed his knee, glad her idea for plans was panning out. "Sounds good."

"Our first trip in a while," he noted another milestone.

She considered the information and started fiddling with her coffee cup again. "Yeah, I guess it is."

* * *

They spent the time preparing for Christmas picking up a few gifts for Bethany and decorating a small tree in the living room. Kurt kept moving around a hand-me-down elf, telling Jane he had to be prepared for Bethany's arrival, yet also enjoying teasing Jane with finding it each day. Their time was carefree and her symptoms nonexistent, so they chose to spend it on the simple things that brought them joy.

Christmas morning, Jane woke to the fragrant smells of breakfast, and when she opened her eyes, she found it was much closer than she expected on a tray in her husband's hands. "Merry Christmas, Jane," he spoke, passing her the tray and giving her a brief kiss.

She patted the bed beside her. "Come join me," she requested.

He returned with his own tray, and they sat side by side, passing nibbles of food to each other and enjoying a lazy, laid-back breakfast.

* * *

He pulled her out to the living room, having her sit on the floor in front of the tree to open gifts. "Presents first, then we can go," he explained like he had a map of the whole day laid out in his head.

He sat beside her on the floor and handed her a gift. She carefully unwrapped the paper and opened the box inside to find a super soft sweater. She held it up to her face, relishing in the feel, the mustard a pop of color against the dark tattoos peeking out of her v-neck. "It's wonderful, Kurt. Thank you," she replied.

"There's more, open the next one," he encouraged her, handing it over.

She pulled the tape and tipped the next item out of the wrapping paper. "Mmm, my favorite coffee!"

The last package was small and square. When she removed it from the paper and opened it, two tiny diamond studs looked back at her. "They match your ring," he explained.

A grin lit up her face, and she gave him a peck on the lips. "Thank you."

She quickly changed the earrings in her ears for the diamond studs. "Now you - open yours," she pointed to a large box under the tree.

He tore through the paper, making quick work of it and peeling it back to find a beautiful set of pyrex. "Perfect for making even more vegan lasagna," he joked.

"You've had your eye on those for a while. It's about time you had them."

She handed him another smaller package, which he opened as well. "Jane, it's beautiful," he said, mesmerized.

She had used her watercolor pencils to sketch the two of them at their wedding, blues and oranges providing abstract flows of color around the edges. "Thank you," he spoke, pulling her into a bear hug in his arms, not letting her go.

He trailed kisses up her bird tattoo, his scruff teasing the sensitive skin. His hand snuck under the bottom of her shirt, lightly brushing his fingers along her smooth skin. "Mmmm, one more present," he whispered, his breath teasing her ear.

She tipped her head to allow him easier access and melted into his kisses. They had a little bit more time before they would need to get on the road midmorning. Surely they could spend it enjoying each other.

* * *

Thirty minutes outside of the city, Jane was lulled to sleep in the SUV. She stayed napping until Kurt pulled into the park. He parked at the base, and she hopped out of the SUV, grabbing their daypacks from the back. He took his pack from her, and they started their ascent.

"Wow," Jane voiced, looking up at the water splashing from the falls once they had reached the top.

Kurt was focused more on her, taking a photo of her wonder. "Let's sit and warm up for a minute," he suggested, pointing at a rock.

He pulled the thermos out of his bag and poured them both a small cup of hot chocolate that they set aside while it cooled off for a few minutes. "It's beautiful out here," Jane noted.

"Peaceful," Kurt agreed.

They sat at the top for a while, enjoying the beauty of the falls. Jane drew in her sketchbook, and Kurt sipped at his hot chocolate and explored the surrounding area. Once she had finished drawing, they wandered the trails heading back toward the base.

* * *

After they decided to stop wandering and head back down, Jane sought a rock to sit on. "I need a few minutes," she explained.

A few minutes of sipping water passed. Jane was leaning heavily into his side. "I think I might be getting a headache," Jane sighed and rubbed her neck.

"We can rest here a bit," he encouraged.

"I'd rather head back," she explained, and he combed her hair away from face with his fingers.

They continued on, him wrapping his arm around her waist every once in a while and quietly monitoring her.

She broke away from him near the end of the trail, dropping to her knees beside a tree and losing the little contents from her stomach. When she rocked back onto her heels, he handed her the water bottle, and she rinsed her mouth. He fetched her medicine from her pack next, knowing the root cause of her upset stomach was yet another headache. She took the proffered medicine from him when she rose back to her feet and downed it cautiously with a little bit more water. He wrapped his arm around her, and she did the same in return. "Let's get you back to the SUV."

* * *

Back at the SUV, Jane sat in the back seat, hunched over with her feet in the doorway and a water bottle cooling the back of her neck. Kurt stood in front of her, massaging her temples. "I wanted to take you for a quiet lunch afterwards," Jane explained, frustrated at her current state, "but I need to lay down."

"Can I get you anything?"

"Can you keep doing that until I fall asleep?"

"Let's get you more comfortable in the back seat."

She lay across the back seat, and Kurt sat beside her, resting her head in his lap and resuming massaging her temples. As she had taken her migraine medicine, it wouldn't be long before she was asleep. Her stomach was still unsettled, and her breaths came small to quell the nausea. "Can we head back to the hotel? Maybe I can sleep this off, and we can go out later."

"Of course. I'll get us going as soon as you fall asleep."

* * *

At the hotel, he got them checked in and the room settled before he returned to retrieve Jane. He opened the back door and kissed her forehead. "Jane, honey, let's get you inside," he whispered in her ear, trying to rouse her.

She sat up and shuffled out of the SUV, walking beside him to the hotel. They had barely made it into the room before she was sick again. "Shit, there should have been much more drinking involved to feel like this," she grumbled after rinsing her mouth and brushing her teeth.

The corner of Kurt's lips upturned in a small smile. He wrung out a cold washcloth and slid his arm around Jane, guiding her back to the bed. Once she had climbed in, he placed the cold washcloth over her forehead and kissed her forehead. "Feel better, my love."

* * *

When she woke and groggily removed the washcloth from her face the room was dark. Her arm didn't find Kurt sitting next to her, and it took her a moment of glancing around the room to find him sitting in the corner by the door, intently reading his phone. "Hi, honey," she said, getting out of bed and stretching.

He put his phone back in his pocket and rose from the floor. "Hi, how are you feeling?" he asked, "Safe to turn the light on?"

"I'm okay. Yeah."

He flicked the switch on the wall, and she walked to him when her eyes adjusted. "What time is it?"

"Just after eight."

"I wanna shower quick. Then, can we go out?"

"I got us a reservation at a restaurant overlooking the Hudson. I had to move it around a little, but does that sound okay?"

"Sounds wonderful," she smiled and disappeared into the bathroom.

* * *

After dinner, he guided her down to the waterfront, wrapping her in his arms while they looked out at the water and the bridge. The water rhythmically lapping against the shore brought a melody to Jane's mind. She turned in his arms and took his hand. "Could I have this dance, Mr. Weller?" she asked with a smirk of a smile and a glint in her eye.

They slowly rocked to the melody in Jane's mind, the notes fluttering on her lips every so often from where she rested her head on his shoulder. "Merry Christmas, Jane," Kurt whispered, kissing the top of her head.

In the distance, a man looked up from his night vision goggles. _Merry Christmas_ , he thought tauntingly, watching them while they danced.


	12. Bethany

A ball of energy plowed through their apartment door. "Papa!" Bethany shouted in excitement, throwing herself at Kurt's leg.

Kurt leaned down to pick up Bethany, wrapped her in a bear hug, and stepped away from the door, clearing it so Jane could guide Allie and Connor inside. "Hi guys, it's so great to see you," Jane greeted them, hugging Allie, then Connor, "come on in."

Allie held out a bag of presents toward Jane. "Merry Christmas. These are to add to under your tree."

Jane took the bag and walked it to the tree, placing the presents underneath. "Can I get you guys a drink or anything?" Jane offered.

"I'll take a beer," Connor requested.

"I'm hoping to steal you for a few minutes to go get coffee," Allie indicated, declining a drink.

Jane crossed to the kitchen, retrieving beers for Connor and her husband. Connor sat at the breakfast bar and accepted his beer from Jane. Allie and Jane walked back over to Kurt and Bethany, and Allie rubbed Bethany's back. "C'mon, Squiggles, give Mama Jane some love too," Allie encouraged, taking the beer from Jane and handing it to Kurt.

Bethany turned toward her mother and saw Jane standing beside her. "Mama Jane!" she exclaimed, launching herself from Kurt to Jane.

Jane laughed and wrapped Bethany in her arms, her rolling giggles warming her heart with joy. Kurt pulled both of them into a hug, laughing as Bethany rubbed her hand in his beard. "Papa, I'm hungry," she announced matter of factly.

Bethany wriggled and let go of Jane, and Jane passed her back to Kurt. "Well, we'll have to go fix that now, won't we?" he said, walking to the kitchen.

"I'm gonna take Jane out for coffee while you get settled," Allie pulled her toward the door. "We'll be back soon."

Allie had her out the door before Kurt could reply, his nod of okay left to the room. Kurt shook his head: _that's Allie_. "Connor, you want to help us pick out what to have for dinner?" Kurt asked, leaning over the breakfast bar to clink his beer bottle against Connor's.

* * *

Allie and Jane walked down the sidewalk, heading toward Jane's favorite coffee shop down the block. "That was subtle," Jane joked, walking beside Allie.

"Subtlety's not exactly my strong suit," Allie smiled. Allie was direct, reaching to nudge Jane's side and jumping straight to checking on her. "I know this is your least favorite question, but how are you doing? Really?"

Jane looked at Allie, sharing a reassuring smile. "I'm well. The only thing that still peeks around every once in a while is the headaches," Jane replied, touching her hand to her temple in explanation.

"Were they able to change your medicine? I remember you telling me about that."

"Yeah. Had a blip this week, but the doctor said I shouldn't be concerned unless the migraines start popping up more regularly."

"So that means…"

"That means we could," Jane alluded and quickly added, "but I'm not."

They entered the coffee shop, ordering two large Christmas lattes, and finding a quiet seat in the cushioned armchairs in the corner.

"Did you guys have a good Christmas?" Allie asked.

"It was beautiful. We ended up dancing beside the Hudson river," Jane reminisced, remembering the wonderful lull of being in her husband's arms and dancing to the music in her head. "And Kurt gave me these," she tugged at her ear.

Allie leaned over, looking at the studs closer. "He did well," she indicated, and both women laughed.

"How was yours?"

"Bethany present monster storm," Allie smiled, "We only do a few, but the house ends up looking like a wrapping paper explosion."

"Another thing to look forward to later today," Jane smiled in return.

Allie took a big sip of her coffee. "Mmm, tastes like cinnamon and cloves," she savored, then pivoted to asking, "How's Kurt doing?"

"He's been the _most_ supportive husband," Jane emphasized.

"He tried everything when you were sick to get you better. Everything."

Jane nodded. "You may have told me that a _few_ times."

"Ah, that was on the phone. In person has a different effect," Allie rationalized, taking another sip of her coffee, "And he took a lot of lumps fighting to keep your job."

Jane was a bit miffed by the implication that she didn't know how much Kurt had helped her. She knew she was alive because of him; she didn't need to be reminded of that. "I get it, Allie," she stressed.

Jane looking up in frustration gave Allie the opportunity to meet her eyes. "Just…watch him. Sometimes he needs help too."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jane snipped, having enough of her meddling.

"He worries about you. A lot," Allie emphasized, "and that wears on him. He will forget that he needs to do things for himself, and you'll be there to remind him."

Jane's edge disappeared as fast as it started, knowing Allie was trying to be a good friend. Looking at the heart swirled into the top of her latte became a welcome distraction. "What brought this on?"

"He was really sad when he called us on Christmas. Stressed out that you fell ill during your hike. Worried your migraines were coming back. Worried that if your progress slowed, you wouldn't be able to go back to work," her hand punctuated each of her points into the table.

They sat in silence, Jane contemplating Allie's admission. Both of Jane's hands curled around her mug. "He didn't seem that sad when I woke up," she said, thinking back to that day.

"Do you always show him one-hundred percent of your feelings?" Allie challenged.

Jane couldn't disagree. "He worries too much sometimes," Jane explained, "you should see him when I try to push my limits."

"Oh, I'm sure."

"It's a fool's game competing with Kurt Weller's level of devotion, but I sure try. You know I'm there for him as much as he is for me. It's just been lopsided for a little bit," she reassured, pausing to think some more. "It's good you guys are here. And our friends will be here for New Year's. And we'll be able to go back to work soon enough."

Her point across, Allie brought the conversation back to lighthearted again. "You should probably start drinking some of that coffee. We _are_ at your favorite place," Allie noted.

Jane took a sip of her coffee. "Someone _may_ have distracted me. Thanks, Allie," she said sincerely and changed the subject. "Tell me about Bethany's latest adventures."

* * *

When Jane and Allie reentered the apartment, Bethany ran and hugged Allie's leg. "Mommy, Papa made naaaaaan," Bethany emphasized, trying out the new word she had learned.

"Ah, Indian night in the Weller household," Allie noted, smiling at Kurt and taking Bethany with her to Connor.

Kurt stopped stirring one of the pots on the stove and walked to the door, meeting Jane with a kiss. "Everything okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," she nodded and gave him a quick hug, "do I smell curry?"

"Yeah. It's just about done."

Jane squeezed his hand. "Anything I can help with?"

"Can you set the table while I finish everything up?"

"Sure."

He squeezed her hand back and returned to the kitchen.

* * *

After dinner, they sat on the floor against the couch and Bethany tore into her presents, leaving her mother to explain what she had received. She was a few sets of clothes and a stuffed animal in. "It's a kickboard for your swimming, Squiggs," Allie explained, "what do you say?"

"T'anks!" she squeaked, and her hands were already on to the next present.

She opened a set of colored pencils and coloring book next. "Like Mama Jane's!" Bethany noted.

"There's one more," Jane explained, handing her a thin, rectangular package.

Bethany tore through it with equal zeal. "Me?" she questioned, pointing at the small framed drawing she had unwrapped.

"And who else?" Jane asked.

"Papa!"

Kurt pulled Bethany between he and Jane, ending the paper tearing fest. "Mama Jane drew that," Kurt explained, not knowing Jane had drawn that for her, yet recognizing her artwork anywhere, "it's very special."

Kurt wrapped his arm around Jane's back, hugging her closer. "Thank you," he whispered into her ear, kissing her cheek.

Bethany staying put didn't last long, and she squirmed out of their arms, giggling as she picked up the next package. _That's my Squiggles_ , Allie thought, rescuing the next present from her daughter's hands to give it to Jane.

Their gift giving continued, the adults sharing small tokens of celebration. Once all of the presents had been opened, Allie started talking with Connor about leaving. "I think it's about time for us to head out," Allie indicated to Jane and Kurt, "we'll see you guys on Sunday."

"Bethany, have fun with Papa. We'll see you soon," Allie gave Bethany a hug and kissed the top of her head.

Connor gave Bethany a hug as well, and they collected their things and left.

* * *

Kurt and Bethany took to drawing in her new coloring book on the floor as Jane cleaned the kitchen and living room.

"Papa, the snowman needs to be purple so it looks like the unicorn," Bethany instructed, holding out a purple pencil to him instead of the black one that he had in his hand.

The logic of a three-year-old. She was coloring in Santa lime green. The "unicorn" was a reindeer she had added a horn to.

"Bets, it's about time to get ready for bed," Jane indicated, finishing picking up the living room.

Bethany looked up at Jane from the floor. "Mama Jane, can you read to me?" Bethany asked.

"Yes. Can Papa come too?"

"Only if he does the train noises."

Jane dipped her head toward Kurt, looking at him askew at the hilarity of the request, her eyes taunting him with _I don't know if Papa can make train noises._ "Woo, woo," Kurt tested, tickling Bethany as Jane picked her up and carried her toward her bedroom.

* * *

Without fail, Kurt fell asleep with Bethany curled into him. He rarely seemed to make it out of her room awake when she was around. They'd adventure doing everything together, trying to cram weeks' worth of experiences into a few days of time, then fall into exhaustion. Given it had been a few months since he had seen his daughter, he was making up for even more lost time.

Letting him sleep, Jane left Bethany's room, quietly heading back to their bedroom. She changed into pajama pants and a flannel shirt, crawling under the covers and trying to sleep.

* * *

"Mama Jane?" a quiet voice woke her.

Bethany's small knees edged up onto her, digging into her stomach. "Ooof," Jane voiced as Bethany's knees moved further, her face now in front of Jane's, "what is it, Bets?"

"Papa's sleeping. Breakfast?"

 _What time is it?_ She looked at the clock: 6:02AM. _Oy._ "Okay."

Bethany started bouncing, and Jane wrapped her arms around her so she wouldn't take any more knees to the stomach. "Pancakes, Mama," she indicated.

Jane set her on the floor, and she was scurrying off to the kitchen before Jane could roll out of bed.

* * *

He emerged a little while later, ready to perform his usual job, when he found his family in the kitchen. He watched them undetected for a few minutes, Jane pouring batter into the pan and Bethany standing on top of the footstool, dropping blueberries on top of the batter. _My loves..._

"Well, what have we here?" Kurt said, peeking his head around the corner into the kitchen.

"Papa!" Bethany cheered with glee.

Jane grabbed her around the waist, keeping her on the stool. "You need to stay on the stool," Jane quickly reminded her.

"What are my two favorite girls up to?" Kurt asked, walking to them.

"Pancakes!" Bethany squealed.

Kurt gave Jane a kiss and rubbed the small of her back. "Look, blueberries!" Bethany indicated, dropping them on the pancake in the pan.

Kurt ruffled Bethany's hair. "We're going to the Winter Carnival today, Bethany," Kurt explained, "you can see the ice castle."

Bethany turned on the stool, giving up on the blueberries and grabbing her father. "Castle!"

Kurt picked her up. "I'm about done here," Jane explained, pouring another pancake.

He looked at the coffee pot, noting it was empty. "I'll start the coffee."

* * *

Sunday night, after Bethany left, Kurt showered and emerged in his boxers, crawling into bed next to Jane. "C'mere," he encouraged, and she backed up to his chest so he could wrap his arms around her, spooning.

"You're so good with Bethany," Kurt noted, dropping kisses onto her shoulder.

"Thanks. She's a ball of energy."

Kurt nodded into her shoulder. "I missed her. It was hard to say goodbye. The apartment is so quiet without her."

"I know you missed out on seeing her a few times because of me. You should go have your usual visit in Colorado next month."

"Mmm," he hummed his assent, kissing her neck and hugging her tighter, "I'm so grateful you're here."

"Right back at you."


	13. New Year

"Can we talk about something?" Jane asked, wide awake even though they were snuggling in bed, trying to fall asleep.

"What's on your mind?" Kurt asked, stepping a bit back toward awareness from his fall toward slumber.

"When do you want to go back to work?" she asked tentatively.

He gave his standard answer. "When you're ready."

"At my checkup tomorrow, I'm going to ask if I'm cleared to start preparing to test to go back to work," she stated.

"Oh," he paused, considering what that meant, "okay."

"You can go back before me, you know. I'm doing okay now," she reassured.

Kurt was quiet, thinking with his head nuzzled into her neck. "One thing I learned while we were in Colorado was that if I focused all of my energy on you all of the time, I felt a bit lost. Empty. I know it seems counterintuitive, but giving everything to you meant there was nothing left for me. Work gives me a purpose beyond us, and I think it does the same for you," Jane explained.

"I need to be there for you," Kurt countered.

"And you are. But you need to be there for you too," Jane explained and asked, "Do you miss work?"

"Yes," he answered quickly. Without a doubt he missed the adrenaline rush of working through cases; the joy of working with his friends.

"All I'm trying to say is I'm well enough that you can go back to it if that's what you want," she closed the circle, sharing her viewpoint, yet leaving the decision to him.

"Can I think about that? And we talk about it later?" he requested, shifting his head back to the pillow to try to sleep.

"Of course."

* * *

She couldn't contain her excitement when she walked through the door, her arms flapping inside the entryway. "I have really great news," she explained, "really, really great news."

He stood from where he was sitting on the couch, crossing the room and holding her upper arms, stopping her arms from taking flight. "What's that?" he smiled.

"The doctor says I'm cleared to start training to go back to work," she responded excitedly, a huge smile on her face.

His jaw dropped a little. "That means I'm okay," Jane relayed.

All of the air was forced from her lungs when he hugged her and pressed her against the entryway wall, giving her a long, deep kiss. "That means we need to celebrate," he replied, kissing her again.

* * *

When she woke the next morning, she found Kurt standing on the deck in his henley and pajama pants, staring out into the city. She grabbed the fleece blanket from the couch and joined him. "You've got to be freezing," she stated, wrapping the fleece blanket around his shoulders.

He quickly brushed his face, clearing the bit of moisture from his cheeks. She caught him as he tried to hide, his motions distinctive. "What is it?" she started to ask, yet he pulled her to his chest, burying her head into the blanket.

They stayed that way until he noticed Jane was shivering, and he brought them back inside. "I'm gonna take a shower," he said, disappearing to the bathroom.

* * *

Kurt exited the bathroom in his boxers and shared, "I'm going for a walk. I'll be back in a bit, I promise. Just a quick walk."

He quickly changed and was out the door.

It was very, very difficult for Jane to heed her own request of _be there; I'll talk when I'm ready_. _What in the world was on her husband's mind?_

* * *

He came back with coffee from down the street and a coffee cake muffin. "Come, sit," he encouraged, guiding her over to sit at the breakfast bar, putting the coffee cake muffin between them, and inserting and lighting a candle.

"Congratulations, my love," he spoke, giving her hand a soft squeeze, "there were times I didn't think you would get well and times I didn't think you'd be able to make it back to work, and look at you now. You've achieved so much, and I'm sure you'll be able to test to go back to work soon."

He gestured his free hand toward the candle, signifying she should blow it out. She smiled and played along, squinting her eyes like she was making a wish and then blowing it out. She took the candle out of the muffin and broke off a piece, reaching out and feeding it to him. She followed up with a kiss and another smile.

"I'm going to talk with Reade about going back in the new year," Kurt shared, "for me to do that, I need you not rush it."

"I won't," she agreed, "I'm just looking forward to some more difficult training to prepare for testing."

"I'm gonna target early January," he clarified.

She squeezed his hand in return. "Congrats right back at you."

She explored his eyes, not seeing any more traces of distress. "I'm okay," he reassured, "I had a nightmare, and then I was a little overwhelmed recalling you almost didn't make it to now."

"I'm not going anywhere," she affirmed.

"I'm glad."


End file.
